There's
bread in our toilet. I'm not necessarily against it, but I mean, it
probably shouldn't be there. Not heaps of bread... not even a full
slice, in fact, I'm not even sure it's bread, it's a chunk of
something a little bigger than your average crouton and it's floating
in the toilet bowl. I thought it was spit at first, like someone had
just spat in the toilet (as people do – not being ironic here, I
definitely do that almost every time I go to the toilet) but then I
tried to flush it and NO NO NO it wouldn't go down. Why the fuck am I
writing this, seriously?
But it was weird, it's like, okay so now the question is – if we're all in agreement that yes, it is bread – where did it come from? Was someone eating a sandwich while using the toilet (unhygienic), and if so, were they going number 1s or number 2s? If they were taking a slash then okay, sure, I'll let it slide, that makes SOME sense, even if it's still a bit gross to be eating a sandwich while standing at a toilet pissing, and it also raises the tricky question of how they got their fly undone or how they were aiming. But if it was either a girl, or if they were Daking a Tump – just, if they were sitting down – then SORRY! That's fucking GROSS. Do not eat sandwiches while you're sitting on the fucking toilet, you animals. You beasts. You creatures devoid of hope.
Okay, I'm still not 100% sure it was bread... but no, I am not going back to check. Okay, I'm thinking about going back to check. I could poke it with a stick? But we don't have any sticks in our house that I'm willing to poke into the toilet for the purposes of miscellaneous object identification (MOI). Also fuck that, I doubt I'd be able to learn anything:
“Okay, so I poked it with a stick and it didn't cling to the stick, nor did it change shape in any way.”
“Still stumped?”
“Still stumped.”
I can't see that going anywhere useful.
What would annoy me the most if it did turn out to be bread – and just for the record guys, I think we're all going to have to reconcile ourselves with the unwelcome reality right now which is that we're probably never going to know what it was, and it will most likely be gone by morning – what would annoy me though, is that it's not like we live in a house that can boast a proud abundance of bread. We're not bread starved by any means, I mean, I did buy two loaves the other day, and we're only halfway through the first one... but still, who the fuck is anyone to go throwing crouton-sized chunks of bread into toilets like Elvis fucking Presley right now? We don't have that kind of bread (pun) (See: The Young Ones) and frankly the only time I like to see food in the toilet is if it's gone through a good several metres of digestive tract first, and even then I'm not thrilled about the experience.
All I wanted to do was take a nice little piss by myself after coming in from the cold night and this is what I'm greeted with? Bread in my fucking toilet. Well I don't know what you guys think, but I've just about had it with this day I reckon. Bed time.
Peace, Taco.
But it was weird, it's like, okay so now the question is – if we're all in agreement that yes, it is bread – where did it come from? Was someone eating a sandwich while using the toilet (unhygienic), and if so, were they going number 1s or number 2s? If they were taking a slash then okay, sure, I'll let it slide, that makes SOME sense, even if it's still a bit gross to be eating a sandwich while standing at a toilet pissing, and it also raises the tricky question of how they got their fly undone or how they were aiming. But if it was either a girl, or if they were Daking a Tump – just, if they were sitting down – then SORRY! That's fucking GROSS. Do not eat sandwiches while you're sitting on the fucking toilet, you animals. You beasts. You creatures devoid of hope.
Okay, I'm still not 100% sure it was bread... but no, I am not going back to check. Okay, I'm thinking about going back to check. I could poke it with a stick? But we don't have any sticks in our house that I'm willing to poke into the toilet for the purposes of miscellaneous object identification (MOI). Also fuck that, I doubt I'd be able to learn anything:
“Okay, so I poked it with a stick and it didn't cling to the stick, nor did it change shape in any way.”
“Still stumped?”
“Still stumped.”
I can't see that going anywhere useful.
What would annoy me the most if it did turn out to be bread – and just for the record guys, I think we're all going to have to reconcile ourselves with the unwelcome reality right now which is that we're probably never going to know what it was, and it will most likely be gone by morning – what would annoy me though, is that it's not like we live in a house that can boast a proud abundance of bread. We're not bread starved by any means, I mean, I did buy two loaves the other day, and we're only halfway through the first one... but still, who the fuck is anyone to go throwing crouton-sized chunks of bread into toilets like Elvis fucking Presley right now? We don't have that kind of bread (pun) (See: The Young Ones) and frankly the only time I like to see food in the toilet is if it's gone through a good several metres of digestive tract first, and even then I'm not thrilled about the experience.
All I wanted to do was take a nice little piss by myself after coming in from the cold night and this is what I'm greeted with? Bread in my fucking toilet. Well I don't know what you guys think, but I've just about had it with this day I reckon. Bed time.
Peace, Taco.
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