I
fell in love today. That's right, I fell in love. I love the brevity
of that expression, and the implication, because of the past tense,
that the action is already complete, like I fell in love this
morning, dealt with it, came
full circle, and now, at only two in the afternoon can write about
the experience like a long-ago high school romance. I fell in love
today, it was beautiful.
I was listening to the WTF podcast with Marc Maron, episode #417 with Tom Segura (don't worry guys it wasn't MAN-LOVE I ain't one-a-dem POOFS! Hey! HA-HA! HA-HA! HA-HA! NO I'M NOT!!!!) and having a really great time. The ep was definitely in my top... top ten? Top ten guests, maybe not top ten episodes if you consider that the Louis CK and Judd Apatow interviews both span two episodes, but now we're getting off course. Anyway, so I was listening to Marc and Tom talk their talk about being touring comics and it was really great – Tom Segura is a funny guy with heaps of cool stories. He kept making reference to his wife though, and how funny and cool she is, and like, okay, maybe it was just from the cool, pal-ish tone he kept referring to her with, but I was like, “damn son, this girl sounds like one fly chick-momma.” The seed had been planted.
So after Tom and Marc wrapped it up I downloaded ep #387 which featured the aforementioned wife, whose name is Christina Paszitzky and whose voice graced my ears almost as soon as ep #387 (which is a live episode) started. Tom had described her as “very sharp” and “quick”, so I already had something to go off of, but every word she said sounded more confident and more WOMANLY. Her parents are Hungarian, hence the crazy last name, and she's a touring comic just like her husband. She. Is. AMAZING!
After her portion of the live ep finished I stopped paying attention, and continued swooning, and as soon as I got home from cleaning where I'd been listening to the podcasts initially, I went online and downloaded a few episodes of the Your Mom's House podcast which Tom and Christina do weekly, but not before doing a google image search of Christina Paszitzky to find that, yes, my auditory-based assumptions were correct, SHE'S BEAUTIFUL. And she slays on the podcast, as, to be fair, does Tom. They're both quick-witted and clever, but fuck Tom, fuck him right in his stupid head, because my love for Christina had blossomed into its own fully-fledged beast with eyes and ears and a heart beating savagely in the mist, illuminating darkness. I realized though, after about an hour and a half of dreamy bliss-listeining (blistening) that it could never be, and that for every fantasy I was having of hilarious passive-aggressive confessions of my amour by way of email to the Your Mom's House podcast, they had probably already received a hundred similar ranting scrawls of passion from lonely male fans in fits of lust.
So I gave up my dreams of her, and put them to rest in a small cardboard box inside my heart, and buried them in the back yard, next to the fruit tree and the suspicious mound when Uncle Denny went back to Europe. I will continue to listen to Christina and Tom on their podcast, always slightly envious of their happiness, but never again with the same eagerness as on that first morning, when I was transported, by that “very sharp”, “quick” mistress who will forever hold a place in my heart, Christina Paszitzky.
Peace, Taco.
I was listening to the WTF podcast with Marc Maron, episode #417 with Tom Segura (don't worry guys it wasn't MAN-LOVE I ain't one-a-dem POOFS! Hey! HA-HA! HA-HA! HA-HA! NO I'M NOT!!!!) and having a really great time. The ep was definitely in my top... top ten? Top ten guests, maybe not top ten episodes if you consider that the Louis CK and Judd Apatow interviews both span two episodes, but now we're getting off course. Anyway, so I was listening to Marc and Tom talk their talk about being touring comics and it was really great – Tom Segura is a funny guy with heaps of cool stories. He kept making reference to his wife though, and how funny and cool she is, and like, okay, maybe it was just from the cool, pal-ish tone he kept referring to her with, but I was like, “damn son, this girl sounds like one fly chick-momma.” The seed had been planted.
So after Tom and Marc wrapped it up I downloaded ep #387 which featured the aforementioned wife, whose name is Christina Paszitzky and whose voice graced my ears almost as soon as ep #387 (which is a live episode) started. Tom had described her as “very sharp” and “quick”, so I already had something to go off of, but every word she said sounded more confident and more WOMANLY. Her parents are Hungarian, hence the crazy last name, and she's a touring comic just like her husband. She. Is. AMAZING!
After her portion of the live ep finished I stopped paying attention, and continued swooning, and as soon as I got home from cleaning where I'd been listening to the podcasts initially, I went online and downloaded a few episodes of the Your Mom's House podcast which Tom and Christina do weekly, but not before doing a google image search of Christina Paszitzky to find that, yes, my auditory-based assumptions were correct, SHE'S BEAUTIFUL. And she slays on the podcast, as, to be fair, does Tom. They're both quick-witted and clever, but fuck Tom, fuck him right in his stupid head, because my love for Christina had blossomed into its own fully-fledged beast with eyes and ears and a heart beating savagely in the mist, illuminating darkness. I realized though, after about an hour and a half of dreamy bliss-listeining (blistening) that it could never be, and that for every fantasy I was having of hilarious passive-aggressive confessions of my amour by way of email to the Your Mom's House podcast, they had probably already received a hundred similar ranting scrawls of passion from lonely male fans in fits of lust.
So I gave up my dreams of her, and put them to rest in a small cardboard box inside my heart, and buried them in the back yard, next to the fruit tree and the suspicious mound when Uncle Denny went back to Europe. I will continue to listen to Christina and Tom on their podcast, always slightly envious of their happiness, but never again with the same eagerness as on that first morning, when I was transported, by that “very sharp”, “quick” mistress who will forever hold a place in my heart, Christina Paszitzky.
Peace, Taco.
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