Last night I was at a party celebrating (lamenting? It's a party
though... anyway) Arielle's return to the USA after being here for
most of this year. The place was full of comedians and other people,
obviously friends of Arielle. I really wasn't feeling the party or
the night at all, and I was at home in bed by midnight, frustrated
and confused.
I feel like lately I'm being a bit of a dick... I don't know, maybe? I'm hesitant to say that of myself, because on one hand I'm just being who I feel like all of the time, but on the other hand I can often feel myself flying dangerously close to brazen arrogance, and having to remind myself “don't do that”. Running a fairly succecssful room is probably feeding into this – I've been thinking that for a while – because now I'm in a position where I can ask whoever I want from around the Melbourne comedy scene to come to the room and I get to hang out with them. It gives me at least one day a week where I have a false sense of importance and accomplishment relative to everyone else, and I'm sure negativity from that is brewing inside me.
Other than that though, I've also started to withdraw into myself and only include a small circle of friends with whom I feel safe, rather than continuing to meet and socialize with new people. That's no good either. Meeting new people is one of the main fuels I run myself on and I definitely need to maintain an active and fluid social life to stay healthy. I think I just need to recapture some variety in my weekly activities and make sure that I'm not digging myself into a rut.
This week sometimes – probably Wednesday – I'm going to start meditation with Richie. We still need to find somewhere to do it, probably somewhere in Fitzroy, but I think that will be a major help in clearing my mind and allowing me to be more of the person I want to be rather than dwelling on other people and past events. I need to be more present and live more in the moment.
That's all for today. Not much structure, but a lot to think about.
Peace, Taco.
I feel like lately I'm being a bit of a dick... I don't know, maybe? I'm hesitant to say that of myself, because on one hand I'm just being who I feel like all of the time, but on the other hand I can often feel myself flying dangerously close to brazen arrogance, and having to remind myself “don't do that”. Running a fairly succecssful room is probably feeding into this – I've been thinking that for a while – because now I'm in a position where I can ask whoever I want from around the Melbourne comedy scene to come to the room and I get to hang out with them. It gives me at least one day a week where I have a false sense of importance and accomplishment relative to everyone else, and I'm sure negativity from that is brewing inside me.
Other than that though, I've also started to withdraw into myself and only include a small circle of friends with whom I feel safe, rather than continuing to meet and socialize with new people. That's no good either. Meeting new people is one of the main fuels I run myself on and I definitely need to maintain an active and fluid social life to stay healthy. I think I just need to recapture some variety in my weekly activities and make sure that I'm not digging myself into a rut.
This week sometimes – probably Wednesday – I'm going to start meditation with Richie. We still need to find somewhere to do it, probably somewhere in Fitzroy, but I think that will be a major help in clearing my mind and allowing me to be more of the person I want to be rather than dwelling on other people and past events. I need to be more present and live more in the moment.
That's all for today. Not much structure, but a lot to think about.
Peace, Taco.
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